Up until this week I’d never competed in an enduro race, so what better place to start than the Dawn To Dusk 24-hour. If that sounds a bit like turning up to the Olympics with a can of Red Bull and an Oxfam tracksuit then you’re not far off but - as my wise old dad always says “Ross, you are an idiot”.

The race itself goes from 7pm on Saturday until 7pm on Sunday, through some of the most challenging terrain the Welsh countryside can throw up - a perfect mixture of revving engines and nature - a sort of Mad Max meets Countryfile. Perhaps if John Craven and his mates stopped pissing about harassing badgers and got their cameras on some dirt bikes the viewing figures would go up. Now I love a bit of dirt riding but normally the sort that involves stopping now and again to take in the view and oxygen. This is hardcore no messing about stuff.

For the top riders in this race I take my hat/helmet off or I would if I didn’t think they would blast rocks at my head as they fly past. So how did I come to get caught up in this madness?

Well it all started when myself and my daft mate Billy decided to brush up our skills at Simon Pavey’s Off Road School in Wales on the same site it turns out that a week later would host Britain’s most full on off-road endurance event. Billy and I were having such a good time mucking around on the bikes we decided it would be a good way of getting in 24 hours of riding without having to keep washing our kit. After a few drinks (in my case lemonade which gives me no excuse) with event organiser, “Mr. Touratech” Nick Plumb, he mentioned that in the 24-hour two man pro-elite class there were only three teams entered. So as it’s the first time they have run the 24, if we as rank amateurs entered all we had to do was finish and we would be ranked fourth in the UK as a 24-hour Pro-elite 2-man team.

So with dreams of being Pro riders in the mould of the Jamaican bob-sled team, we had a week to pull it together. We roped in a support crew of mates including the landlord of the village pub and mechanic Evan, who teaches BMW’s adventure maintenance course, the only member of our team with any clue. Bikes would need to be prepped and fitted with powerful lights, tyres, inner tubes replaced with foam mooses which I learned are squeezed in with moose lube. Moose lube still sounds to me like something you would find in a Canadian sex shop but I don’t claim to be a mechanic. The bikes would have to be in tip-top shape ready to take on a full days hammering. These would be the bikes that would carry us to fourth place glory. All we needed now was bikes. We could have used the bikes I have in my garage but as my garage is attached to my house which is in Australia we thought better of it.

Billy set about getting it all together and come the day of the race we managed to borrow bikes - which is why the race marshals were missing two bikes. If you’re thinking of taking part in such an event I would recommend more than five days to get physically fit but I bought a copy of Men’s Health magazine and hoped for the best. On the day the full implication of what we were doing kicked in, mainly when thanks to us jokingly entering the Pro Class, I had to start on the front line with a sprint start in front of the rest of the field. When the siren went off the Pros ran to their bikes and off they went. I decided to walk to my bike to save energy but when I got to it the battery was flat and kicking it nearly made me cough up a lung. I was off for what would be 24 of the most brilliant riding hours of my life. The first hour was pretty relaxed. The fast lot disappeared leaving me to try to get used to a bike I had only ridden from the pits to the start line. It looked like everything was going to be OK.

Then it got dark and the madness began with bikes tearing though the pitch black. It must have been terrifying for any locals out dogging of a Saturday night people with lights mounted on their helmets flying out of the trees like demonic coal miners raiding the ewok village. The night riding went on and on for 12 hours of pleasure and pain in equal measure, I imagine somewhat similar to being licked to death.

As the sun came up sleep deprivation set in and the rain started to bucket down, but we only had 12 hours left so on we went. The track filled up as we were joined by the 12-hour riders then the 6-hour riders. On and on the hills got harder, the ruts got deeper and by the time we crossed the finish line my arse was in bits. I felt like George Michael after a big night out. I was holding on to the bike and letting it drag me round. If you want to feel a sense of accomplishment then this is the event for you.

Crossing the line having kept a bike out there for a full day was a sweet feeling even though we had no chance in the race. But we finished and claimed our 4th place. We would have had to do double the laps for a podium finish, but then again, I think the guys in our class may have done it before.

Ross Noble

Enduro racing represents the ultimate challenge for off road bikers with many cross country, rough terrain obstacles and challenges for both rider and machine. The ‘Dusk to Dawn’ race represents the toughest race in the UK, and over 550 riders from across Europe assembled in Glyneath, near Swansea in Wales over the holiday weekend to compete in the annual Dawn to Dusk 6, 12 and 24 hour Enduro races. The challenge being straightforward, the rider(s) that travel the farthest distance in their respective class wins.

In a rather bizarre twist of events, Ross, (who as we know loves his motorbikes), decided to accept the ultimate challenge and enter the Dawn to Dusk race. Originally planned as a four man team, Ross sought advice from those in the know, including a former World Champion, who while supportive and admiring of Ross’ enthusiasm, basically advised this was perhaps, a challenge too far. To compound matters, Ross had only managed to recruit one additional rider, his good friend, Billy ‘Bike Truck’.

Ignoring the obvious 6 hour or even 12 hour races more appropriate for any rookie competitor, an interesting strategy choice by the novice team principal (Ross), saw this new team enter the Professional 24-hour race. The Noble ‘Fuzzy Logic’ being simple, there would only be four teams in the professional class and if one team experienced mechanical difficulties and failed to finish (and with a lot of luck), a podium finish and near Enduro legend status could be achieved.

The team entry was accepted and the challenge was on, but with a week to go, Ross and Billy had no bikes, no gear, no mechanics, no crew and in a nut shell, little chance of even making it to the start line. Billy got on the phone and managed to achieve the near impossible, favours were called in, promises made and with a general feeling of goodwill towards Ross and Billy they got bikes, mechanics, tyres, spares, winnebago, marquee and support crew assembled.

As the team gathered on the eve of the race at The Mole Inn in Lower Cwmtwrch, team introductions were made and gradually the enormity of the challenge began to sink in. This was slightly compounded by the presence of the 20 strong German ‘Touratech’ factory Enduro team, also in The Mole Inn restaurant. The Noble and Bike Truck team retreated to the hotel in Swansea with plenty to sleep on.

Bank holiday Saturday was race day as the team assembled on site. The day flew by as this last minute project was gathered together. At the riders briefing, the nerves began to set in, as reality dawned. There was an initial 6 mile course which would be ridden through the night in the Welsh forest until 6am, then an extended 18 mile course for the remaining 13 hours.

The overall 24-hour class, which consisted of 51 riders, was first away at 7pm. At the sound of the claxon on the stroke of the hour, riders sprint to their machines, fire up their bikes and let rip. The Team Principal made his first tactical decision, rather than sprint to his bike, he would walk slowly, in a sort of ‘savour the moment’ way and accept the adulation of the large crowd assembled along the hill. This, never before seen approach was met which much admiration and hilarity by all. The only slightly embarrassing aspect was that once Ross strode to his bike, he couldn’t get it started! A perfect comedy moment, well a perfect 3 minutes of comedy as Ross and machine finally departed at 7.03pm.

After the first lap, Ross came into the pits and Billy took off in an effort to get a feel for the bike and circuit before darkness. As dusk fell, the team settled into what was hoped would be a long night. Lap times varied from 35 minutes to over an hour (or two!) as Billy and Ross struggled though the night, the course began to soften in places, making it energy sapping and slow to navigate. As the race progressed and conditions worsened, riders in the 24-hour race began to drop out.

In an effort to stay awake, the team statistician (Rainman) went for a walk around the pits just before sunrise and happened upon the leader board. The Noble and Bike Truck Team were not last!! They had begun to move slowly up the leader board in the overall 24 hour race. Although very much last (and by some considerable distance) in the Professional class, the fact that they were ahead of anyone in the overall race, gave the team a huge boost. Before it all began, the objective was to finish the race, to keep going, to prove the doubters wrong, the fact that they could actually beat someone else would be remarkable.

As the rain fell on Sunday morning, the 12 hour race began at 7am, with another 300 riders on the course. Throughout the night, Ross ignored the generally accepted advice to sleep in between sessions on the track, Pot Noodles and Bananas seemed the priority, all delicately presented by Chef Alfie. Noble was on a high and loving every minute of it. Sleep would mean missing the moment. The rain, mist and mud was quite simply relentless. As the morning progressed, more people began to stop by the Noble camp, to have a look at this crack team which by now had achieved a remarkable 38th place overall in the 24-hour race.

With the rain now falling horizontally, conditions on the longer 18 mile circuit began to worsen, sections of the course became near impassable, lap times dropped, simply making it around the circuit was taking the two boys nearly 3 hours on some laps, falling off, remounting, getting just to the top of hills only for bike and rider to slip all the way back to the bottom. Try again, keep trying. Ross and Billy were not going to be beaten. They had kept going through the night, some parts of the bike had failed, some nasty falls, but Ross, Billy and bike were still going.

Occasional stops for a chat with course marshals and fellow riders around the circuit for the last few hours helped Ross and Billy regain some energy, help others, receive help and ensure that the Team primary objective was achieved, simply to finish, keeping the bike racing non-stop for 24 hours.

Just after 7pm on Sunday evening, Ross appeared out of the mist to take the chequered flag and so complete what was a remarkable adventure. Such was the euphoria, relief, joy and sense of achievement, even Rainman forget to get the exact finishing position!

To all the new and old friends that Ross, Billy and the Team met over the weekend, a huge Thank you for your support. For the individuals who gave bikes, clothing, tyres and all the other bits and pieces unconditionally to Ross and Billy, a massive Thank you. To the other riders in the ‘Dawn to Dusk’ race; huge respect and admiration!

Thanks also to Nick Plumb, Dawn to Dusk Chief, Simon Pavey, Off Road Skills, James and Mark @ North One TV for what will be fantastic footage, Pete Callow, top camera man, Evan, Off Road Skills Mechanic, Oz the Mechanic, Richard the Mechanic and proprietor at The Mole Inn, Alfie the Chef and Winnebago based executive, Siggi from ZigCam and Cliff, the weather proof and top cameramen and finally to Rainman for his endless and pointless contributions. What a weekend!!

Photos courtesy of Siggi @ zigcam.tv.

Sun 7 June 7.45pm

Eavesdrop on an interval conversation at a Ross Noble show and someone will be speculating about the amount of material the Geordie comedian makes up. Could it be a kind of comedic sleight of hand? An illusion disguised by his delivery? Surely no one could conjure up quite so much off the cuff? Ross Noble can.

In a filmed* interview with Dr Oliver Double from the School of Drama, Film & Visual Arts, Ross talks about his approach to comedy, his influences and sources of inspiration in a remarkable stand-up career that started in his teens.

Tickets are available to buy at http://www.kent.ac.uk/gulbenkian/

*The presence of cameras is reflected in the ticket price of £5.

By now you’ll have gathered that the site has had a bit of a revamp. You may well have arrived here through the new ‘Webyrinth’ and have used the spyglass to find your way through Ross’ underground lair. Turn up the volume for full effect!

The site has been restructured to make finding information much easier. The new blog and RSS feed will enable you to keep up to date with all Ross’ news and forthcoming tour dates. And there’s a brand new online shop where you can stock up on Ross swag including the latest Things tour merchandise.

Featuring the amazing illustrations of Max Ellis, the site was designed and developed by Manchester Web Design company Vanilla Storm.

The site is the first phase of a number of developments planned for the site that will add more content, videos and other features over the coming months.

As always, we welcome your feedback, so please leave a comment if there’s something specifically you’d like to see on the site or if you have any queries or problems.

Hope you enjoy the new site.

Ross Noble has confirmed that his home has been destroyed by the bush fires in Victoria, Australia. However he and his family are safe and well, and plans for his forthcoming tour remain unchanged.

Facebook have unveiled another level to their popular social networking site called Facebook Pages… It’s all a bit new and fuzzy, but it looks like a good thing… Here’s Ross’ page… For those of you who are part of, or own one of the many Facebook fan groups, feel free to mention this page.